Kamis, 02 Maret 2017

Most of us are living driven by burden of the past and fear of the future. It disables us from living in the present moment and enjoying the company of our own true self. To make life even harder, social expectations creep along the way. Social expectations have lived with us since the beginning of our ability to comprehend human relations, they sunk into our subconscious and we accept them as norms, as how life must be lived. Driven by such situation, we make a compromise, between norms and our true self. Burn off passion and leave it cold. Possessed by the idea of positivity and confused about the feelings and 'negative feelings'. Beating oneself in fear of 'what others might think' and 'what others prefer me to be'.
 —Mia Maria

Rabu, 01 Maret 2017

The Year 2016

What a grand title, no? But honestly, I don't even know if this post is gonna be that grand. Probably it's gonna come off more like a rant. Oh, well.
Google

Like how it was always used to be, I don't remember much of 2016. My memories suck so bad. But perhaps it's for the best, so that I won't remember all the horrible things that has happened. Anyway, I have been keeping notes. It's been for almost 2 years, and it helped a lot. My life becomes more organized and my objectives clearer. I'm on my fifth notebook now. So I'm gonna look back at my notebooks to aid me with this post.

Sabtu, 15 Oktober 2016

to whom it may concern: pt. 5

Tumblr.com

Lately I've started to think about you again. Wait. Am I even allowed to think about you? We've only met twice before, but I have been dreaming, fangirling, researching (because 'stalking' just feels creepy and isn't right for me), etc etc about you. Shit, I'm just realizing it now, that I sound completely crazy. 

Minggu, 09 Oktober 2016

Sebelas



Google

Monster dalam kepalaku tak henti mencaci
memekakkan, teriak datang dari segala penjuru
hujan dan angin kencang tidak meluruhkan kelam yang membayangi,
menggerayangi
seluruh-Ku.

Nama.
Nama... Siapa?
Sebentar, kucari dulu ke sudut pikiranku yang gersang tak tersentuh hujan
Tetapi tiada, siapa?
Siapa?
Tawa riuh menggema dalam tempurung kepala

Entah aku sudah berjalan sejauh mana
Tanah masih basah
Tetes air masih setajam mata panah
terus saja melangkah dengan gelisah
mereka belum menyerah,
dan aku tak boleh lengah

             Nama...

Gemerisik daun merupa orkestra
Membawa nomor lagu gelap
membungkam aksara, menyenandungkan lara

             Siapa...

Mataku memicing ketika setangkai dahan menggores tangan
Rupanya berdarah
terbasuh hujan yang entah kapan reda
Kubiarkan air terus menghapus tetes-tetes merah
sejengkal dari luka yang terasa perih, tertera hitam
011

             Siapa...?

Ada sesuatu di depan sana
Suara-suara
Beberapa sorot cahaya
menuju ke tempat aku berdiri
apakah aku harus lari
atau tetap di sini!?

Kemudian,
satu, dua, tiga
dengan cahaya yang nanar
empat bersamaku
sama-sama terpaku dan membeku.

                                                    Siapa namaku?
                                                    011




9/10/2016 || 11.40 p.m
Masih terpesona dengan serial Netflix
"Stranger Things"
yang awesome tumpah-tumpah.
This is for you, Eleven.
Be safe, wherever you are.

Kamis, 08 September 2016

overwhelmed


Nothingness descends upon me
as I bid farewell to my sanity
Would it be wrong if I let myself
drown in this empty sea
and never to see
again
the dusk and dawn...


8/9/2016
I feel nothing
 
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