Most of us are living driven by burden of the past and fear of the future. It disables us from living in the present moment and enjoying the company of our own true self. To make life even harder, social expectations creep along the way. Social expectations have lived with us since the beginning of our ability to comprehend human relations, they sunk into our subconscious and we accept them as norms, as how life must be lived. Driven by such situation, we make a compromise, between norms and our true self. Burn off passion and leave it cold. Possessed by the idea of positivity and confused about the feelings and 'negative feelings'. Beating oneself in fear of 'what others might think' and 'what others prefer me to be'.

 —Mia Maria

surat malam ... 20.54

Surat Malam untuk Paska (Joko Pinurbo)

Masa kecil kaurayakan dengan membaca.
Kepalamu berambutkan kata-kata.
Pernah aku bertanya: “Kenapa waktumu
kausia-siakan
dengan membaca?” Kau jawab ringan,
“Karena aku ingin belajar membaca sebutir kata
yang memecahkan diri menjadi tetes air hujan
yang tak terhingga banyaknya.”

Kau memang suka menyimak hujan.
Bahkan dalam kepalamu ada hujan
yang meracau sepanjang malam.

Itulah sebabnya, kalau aku pergi belanja
dan bertanya minta oleh-oleh apa, kau cuma bilang,
“Kasih saja saya beragam bacaan, yang serius
maupun yang ringan. Jangan bawakan saya
rencana-rencana besar masa depan.
Jangan bawakan saya kecemasan.”

Kumengerti kini: masa kanak adalah bab pertama
sebuah roman yang sering luput dan tak terkisahkan,
kosong tak terisi, tak terjamah oleh pembaca,
bahkan tak tersentuh oleh penulisnya sendiri.

Sesungguhnya aku lebih senang kau tidur
di tempat yang bersih dan tenang. Tapi kau
lebih suka tidur di antara buku-buku,
dan berkas-berkas yang berantakan.
Seakan mereka mau bicara, “Bukan kau
yang membaca kami, tapi kami yang membaca kau.”

Kau pun pulas. Seperti halaman buku yang luas.
Dalam kepalamu ada air terjun, sungai deras
di tengah hutan. Aku gelisah saja
sepanjang malam, mudah terganggu suara hujan.

(1999)

I keep picturing you

and your voice

your annoying voice

reading this to me

once upon a night

in a tomorrow

or perhaps,

in a false memory.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

and sorry I could not travel both.

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

road (not) taken 22.43

"Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard..." --Scent of a Woman

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: Hate what?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence.

--Pulp Fiction (1994)

vi.sualize.us

Waktu, kita tahu, telah jadi sebuah klise dalam puisi, tapi apa daya: klise itu adalah bagian dari arus waktu, yang menyebabkan pengulangan terjadi, tapi dengan itu ada sesuatu yang tak didapatkan lagi. --Goenawan Mohamad

last fm 01.55

“Without music, life is a journey through a desert.” —Pat Conroy

“One song can spark a moment.” —Author Unknown

"Music, for me, has always been a place where anything is possible--a refuge, a magical world where anyone can go, where all kinds of people can come together, and anything can happen. We are limited only by our imaginations" —Bill Frisell

"When you're happy, you enjoy the music. When you're sad, you understand the lyrics." —Frank Ocean

"Without music, life would be a mistake." —When Night Is Falling (1995)

My looong-lost Goodreads account. Just activated it back recently.
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/1450534-denna

Sometimes, I mumble and babble a lot.
http://soundcloud.com/denna

Follow, or not to follow, don't care.
http://twitter.com/fraushanfikri

nambah lagi ya... iya. 05.03

Kemaren Kamis ke Periplus Malioboro sama Dian. Tujuan aslinya sik pengen nyari Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking-nya Susan Cain:

Google

Dan ternyata lagi habiiiiis. Hiks. Etapi belom ngecek ke Periplus Adisucipto sik. Coba deh besok aku ke sana. Nabung dulu tapinya. Soalnyaaaaa... Budget buat Quiet ini udah aku pake buat beli yang lain. Muehehehehehe. Buat beli yang ini:

Google

Nambah satu lagi deh buku dalam list bought-but-haven't-(got-the-time-to)read-it-yet -_- Yagimanaaaaa hehehehe buku di lemari numpuk belom kubaca tapi tiap maen ke perpus minjem teruuuuus --" Tuh sekarang masih ada empat buku hasil minjem di perpus kota sama perpus fakultas dan padahal udah melebihi tanggal kembali tapi masih tak bawa dan masih satu buku yang belom selese aku baca huehehehe. Ah bodo amat nek didenda.

Sebenernya aku udah nemu e-book version dari Will Grayson, Will Grayson ini... But I'm just never into reading e-books. Never was, never will. Ya kalo buat baca modul sama jurnal masih mau, tapi untuk novel begini kalo nggak terpaksa ya mending enggak. I loooooove printed version of books. That paper smell... HMMMMM. Kalo ada yang mau baca novel ini, silaken aja download pdf-nya di sini.

Will Grayson, Will Grayson ini adalah hasil kolaborasi dari John Green dan David Levithan. Aku emang baru baca karya John Green satu siiiik (The Fault in Our Stars) tapi langsung suka! Dan kepengen baca karya dia yang laen. Naaaaah, pas kan kalo beli yang ini. Kalo David Levithan aku belom pernah baca buku dia, tapi baru beberapa hari yang lalu aku nonton film yang diangkat dari novel dia (yang juga kolaborasi, sama Rachel Cohn) yang judulnya Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. Aslinya aku ngga tau kalo film ini diangkat dari novel, soalnya aku nonton juga gara-gara Kat Dennings yang maen hehehehe. But it turned out that I like that movie. So much. Dan kata mereka yang udah baca novelnya, jauuuuuuh lebih bagusan novel dari filmnya (yaiyalah), jadi makin tertarik pengen baca karya David Levithan (terutama Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist sama A Lover's Dictionary).

Buat baca novel ini, entah kapan deh. Mungkin segera, setelah ngrampungin kumpulan puisinya Goenawan Mohamad hasil minjem puskot... Ato malah bakal ngantri dulu di rak. Let's just wait and see ahahahahah. Oiya, kalo Dian kemaren beli ini. Kalo dia udah selese, tep kudu nyilih huahuahahahaha

Goodreads

Kalo baca judul buku itu jadi kelingan The Breakfast Club deh -____- soalnya sontrek film itu judulnya juga kayak judul novel di atas. "Don't youuuu... Forget about meeeee!!" Iiiih mah dadi kangen tooooo karo John Bender, Andy, Brian, Claire, karo Allison :'(( The Breakfast Club is just so great!

Yabegitulah. Mari kita rampungken dulu kumpulan puisi tadi. Sekalian, mau ngutip Editor's Note dari buku itu ah.

"A poem in its becoming is a witness, that there is a site where I fail, you fail, even the Book of the Father fails. It is a site where freedom begins as a gift and ends as a demand." --Goenawan Mohamad

by Pramoedya Ananta Toer 21.59

“Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit, tapi selama ia tak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah.” (Rumah Kaca)

“Tahu kau mengapa aku sayangi kau lebih dari siapa pun? Karena kau menulis. Suaramu takkan padam ditelan angin, akan abadi, sampai jauh, jauh di kemudian hari.” (Anak Semua Bangsa)

Kata - Subagio Sastrowardoyo 01.46

Asal mula adalah kata
Jagat tersusun dari kata
Di balik itu hanya
ruang kosong dan angin pagi

Kita takut kepada momok karena kata
Kita cinta kepada bumi karena kata
Kita percaya kepada Tuhan karena kata
Nasib terperangkap dalam kata

Karena itu aku
bersembunyi di belakang kata
Dan menenggelamkan
diri tanpa sisa

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah! --I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts (Friends OST.)

source: weheartit.com

"Kadangkala awan gemawan begitu banyaknya, terapung di segala tempat seperti perahu kapas, menyembunyikan cerita senja, sebuah peristiwa ketika matahari seperti bola yang melesak ke balik cakrawala, yang selalu mengingatkan manusia betapa keindahan yang sempurna hanyalah sesuatu yang semu saja, seperti kebahagiaan, yang lewat melintas dalam kenangan terbatas." --Sepotong Senja untuk Pacarku, hal. 76, SGA.

Arsitektur Hujan, page 11 23.08

Ketahuilah, wahai Asu, bahwa menumbuhkan rasa cinta itu tidak mudah. Bahkan jalan yang paling mudah pun sama sekali tidak mudah. Tetapi kau pergi dan datang sesukamu. --A.S. Laksana (Murjangkung)

source: Google

"I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us. If the book we are reading doesn't wake us up with a blow on the head, what are we reading it for? ...we need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us."

--Franz Kafka

God is in the rain. --Evey (V for Vendetta)

This is sad. So sad. 11.40

“You know what’s sad about reading books? It’s that you fall in love with the characters. They grow on you. And as you read, you start to feel what they feel - all of them - you become them. And when you’re done, you’re never the same. Sure you’re still you, you look the same, talk in the same manner, but something in you has changed. Something in the way you think, the way you choose, sometimes, even the things you say may differ. But it all comes down to the state you go to after a nice novel. The after-feeling. It’s amazing, but somehow, you feel left alone by that world you were once in. It’s overwhelming. But it makes you sad. Cause for once you were this, this otherworldly being in… Neverwhere, and then you suddenly have to say goodbye after a few weeks from when you read the last page. When you’ve recovered from that state. It’s just… quite sad” --The Hunger Games

source: weheartit.com

There is no friend as loyal as a book. --Ernest Hemmingway

Welcome to the rhythm of the night . There's something in the air you can't deny. --Owl City

Distopia - Melancholic Bitch 18.19

source: weheartit.com

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Bersama-sama kita, bersama selama-lamanya, bersama-sama selamanya